Posts Tagged ‘relationship’

Morning Stream of Consciousness

April 12, 2012

It’s 8 am and the house is quiet. I have come to sit in the conservatory where it is still cool.  A pigeon, sleek and streamlined passes high over the field, swift on the morning air. The sky is festooned with billowy clouds and there’s the hint of showers, yet the sun ascends with some grandeur above the hill to the east drenching the landscape’s young greenness with new light.

“Oh to be free to fly!”

At this moment I am free. Though not to fly, to abide in this dynamic moment’s peace!  At eye level, atop a bank of deep earth, is vivid April grown grass. Pre-flowering, the sward is swords of emerald. Each tip is crowned with a dew drop. Bright, silver diadems. So vital, so temporal, so holy. 

The air is mobile with birdsong.

.Everything that has breath is praising.

I discover today new seedlings have appeared. The gamble of sowing very out of date seed, captive for 5 or more years, has paid off. Did putting the seeds in compost make them live or die? Or just go through necessary changes for life to continue?


John 12:24
English Standard Version Anglicised (ESVUK)
24 Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.


So with us. Dying or changing? the question is academic. If we don’t change we die, like seeds left unsown for too long. If we surrender to change we grow. The old has gone the new has come. New life. New purpose. This helps.

You see, a little earlier, I had gone into Catie’s room. I went in to bury my face in the empty place where she has been sleeping during the Easter holiday. I could smell her; a mingle of her perfume and, well, just Catie. I stole a little of her back for a moment and then left the room before I grew morose! It is right for her to be free to fly too. I need to accept again, (each time they leave!) the ‘death’ of the chapter where my children are at home. The leaves have vacated the seed…


And going into the shower room, I find hanging on the hook on the wall, the necklace she made. It is of cubic beads bearing the characters; J U S T I C E ? I put it on, like an embrace? No, it fits but it feels wrong, it is so her, that while I agree with the sentiment, I am not entitled to wear something so personal to her, even though I know she wouldn’t mind. I must post it to her, but for a week I will hang it by my bedside, to remind me to pray for her.

In the shower I’m thinking of her and her hugs. They have the power to change me moment by moment: I am a bit of a do-er rather than a be-er. A hug that lingers long enough to express love and acceptance unites giver and receiver. It lets busyness and striving fall to the ground and I guess it is the language of the Father at every level so it maybe unites us with him too, with his purposes. Recently I have reflected that the work of the Father is reconciling, uniting, bringing together with himself and his purposes. The Word that sustains all things holds all things together. That is one glorious, dynamic HUG! Jesus said, in Matthew 10, verse 29 “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.” Falling dying..or changing…continuing in new life, being united…

I’m also thinking about things being loosed and bound. I am reading Rob Bell’s Velvet Elvis which has raised this subject. I will pray for the loosing of justice because I think Catie is on to something about what God’s Word has to say for us today that we have not fully incorporated into our understanding of reality, life and truth. The way we western Christians live generally binds rather than looses justice on earth. More change needed. More kernels to ‘die’; old assumptions, oblivions, tough coated chestnuts!


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